Battle of the Brainless

Battle of the Brainless

from Hidalgo de Arrabal

Host : Ano ang ginagamit na floatation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod? (salbabida)

Clue : starts with the letter S... Beep!

Contestant : Sirena?

Host : Hinde! Hindi ito babae. Beep!

Contestant : Siyokoy?

Host : Hindi! Hindi ito lalake. Beep!

Contestant : Siyoke?

***

H : Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?

Clue : "B" ang simula

C : Sa back?

H : O sige, pwede na rin, isa pang clue, ang simula ay "L" (Luneta)

C : Sa likod?

H : Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P" and initials ng modernname niya (Rizal Park)

C : Sa rear part?

***

H : Saan tayo madalas pumupunta pag summer upang maligo?

Clue : Starts with "B" (Beach)

C : Banyo?

H : Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.

C : Sa bubong?

H : Hindi, marami kang makikita doong mga babaeng naka-bikini.

C : Sa beerhouse?

***

H : What is the national bird of the Philippines?

Clue : Starts with the letter "M" (Maya)

C : Manok?

H : Hindi, brown ang kulay nito.

C : Piniritong manok?

H : Hindi, nagtatapos sa letter "A"C : Piniritong manoka?

H : Hindi, mas maliit pa sa manok.

C : Maggie chicken cube?

***

H : What is the national flower of the Philippines?

Clue : It starts with the letter "S" (Sampaguita)

C : Sunflower?

H : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.C : Stork?

H : Hindi. Bulaklak sabi, eh.

C : Sitsarong bulaklak?

H : Hindi pa rin. Ends with the letter "A"

C : Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?

H : O, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa

Clue : pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ito ng isang sikat na singer.

C : Si Sharon Cuneta!

***

H : Ano ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?

Clue : "L" ang simula ng pangalan niya.

C : Lifebuoy?

H : Hindi, pero kahawing nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng taong ito.

C : Safeguard?

H : Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.

C : Safe boy?H : Hindi siya 'boy' at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.

C : Si Mr. Clean!

***

H : Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 peso bill?Clue : Ang initials niya ay N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)

C : Nora Aunor?

H : Hindi, ang last letter ng palayaw niya ay 'Y'C : Guy Aunor?

: Hindi, dati siyang senador.C : Si former Senator Guy Aunor?

H : Hindi, patay na siya.

C : Ano!? Patay na si Nora Aunor!!??

Baked Bean Surprise
from Soulkeeper

A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions.

On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he'd have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans, and he "put-putted" all the way home.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.